I have been doing a lot of thinking lately , thinking on the past the present and the future . I often wonder where I would be if I would have chose a different path for myself . Would I be successful , would I be happy , would I be financially secure ? What would my son have been like , would he be tall like his dad or short like me ? Would he be shy or outspoken , full of life or a little insecure ? I think about the day he was born which was also the day he passed away , it makes me sad . I look at my daughter and I am amazed at her talent and her spirit . How cute she is when she gets excited about something , how amazing she is with a canvas in her view . I think to myself I am truly blessed to have her but I don’t deserve it . I think about my husband and how we met , how much time we wasted on getting together and now 24 years later we are still going strong . I often compare myself to Job , like him I lost property finances and my babies ( 9 to be exact ) . However like Job I never let go of God and that I can stand on , sure I felt like I was to blame and he was allowing it because I may have stepped out of his will but he was always there .
In life there are sure to be uncertainties and always things you can’t control . You work hard to get to specific plateaus in life but most of us really never reach the mark. It’s hard I know to accept things you can’t change and deal with people that you know only wish for your demise , but you got to have faith and hang in there . Listen God is not slack concerning his promises and if he is allowing it to be then there is a purpose and most definitely a plan. Now is the time we must take God at his word and allow him to do his will , he won’t fail you ….never . I may not like what I am going through but I have no desire to give up on the one person that’s been there for me since conception . I love the Lord and always will .
Lord help me to accept the things I can’t change , can’t fix , and can’t handle . Free my heart my mind and my soul of the chaos and replace it with a peace that I don’t even understand . Keep my mind focused and clear , let my thoughts remain pure as you humble me forever . Thank you Lord for not giving up on me and for dying on the cross so that I can live with you forever .
Love and Blessings